Tuesday, July 10, 2007

POSSIBLE HARRY POTTER SPOILERS!!!

I'm pretty excited over the fact that the newest Harry Potter film opens tonight at midnight. It seems that most critics think this installment is the weakest in the series. Personally, I don't think it can be weaker than the first two Chris Columbus films. Azkaban is still boss. I'm not surprised though because Order was definitely my least favorite book in the post-Azkaban era. All in all, I am still excited to see it, but not nearly as excited as I am to read the 7th book. In fact, I'm so excited that I trolled the internet for possible spoilers. Here are some of the more interesting ones that I came across:

-Vernon Dursley is diagnosed with diabetes.

-As an act of reconciliation, the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, shows Dumbledore how he came to have such a name.

-A scandalous tryst with Buckbeak forces Hagrid's resignation. But was he framed?!?!

-1,000 points to Gryffindor!!!

-Harry and Ginny's relationship takes a serious turn when Harry buys her a strap-on for Christmas.

-Draco Malfoy continues to be an asshole.

-Hermoine misses her period, but Ron refuses to believe it is his. Hermoine takes Ron and Victor Krum to the Maury show for a paternity test.

-Neville Longbottom finally gives into fate, and uses his namesake to become the highest paid wizard porn star in history.

-Voldemort kills Harry.

-J.K. Rowling makes an appearance, described as a "laughing woman rolling in money."


I question the veracity of some of these; however, who am I to doubt anything on the internet?


P.S.- SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE! SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!!!

2 comments:

Leslie said...

These are effing hilarious, Christian. A+

PS: I just bought tickets for HP5 tonight!

Blister Keaton said...

NICE!!! I really am excited to see it. Thanks!